WandaVision: Previously On focuses on the tragedies of Wanda’s past to shed light on her motivations now, while Agatha Harkness takes center stage.
Hello, friends! Welcome back to our weekly chat about Wanda!
Oh, hi! You’re back!
Mysterious Voice: Silence, nerd. Be grateful you’re allowed to stick around for my discussion of television’s most important show, Agatha All Along.
I thought we were friends?
Mysterious Voice: So, last week, when we left off, our hero Agatha Harkness had finally revealed herself to the insufferable Scarlet Witch. After weeks forced to pretend she’s a mere townsperson known as Agnes, Agatha has finally seen her chance to strike back against the mopiest Avenger. Her brilliant plan has revealed her true nature as one of the world’s greatest witches, a title she earned through centuries of dedicated study.
Well the jingle was catchy…
Mysterious Voice: You’re damn right it was! Not since the halcyon days of a “Toss a Coin to Your Witcher” has a song so captivated nerd culture. And all because of the brilliance of Agatha’s long term plan. Sensing Wanda’s hex power, and an opportunity, she spent weeks ingratiating herself into Wanda’s life and getting close enough to take her shot and take control of the unhinged witch’s powers.
This was a pretty emotionally jarring episode for Wanda.
Mysterious Voice: Unless you want this to be an emotionally jarring column for you, you’ll stop interrupting me!
Audience: Raucous Applause!
Mysterious Voice: So, this week Agatha led Wanda on an adventure through her past life to try to determine what had happened that made her powers so potent so promptly. And it turns out that Wanda’s exposure to an Infinity Stone had been the cause all along. And then she sulked through memories about her dead parents and her dead brother and her dead lover. Blah blah blah.
Elizabeth Olsen really did some great work here, didn’t she?
Mysterious Voice: How dare you disrespect Kathryn Hahn that way? Now that we know the truth – that this show was about Agatha All Along – it’s time for awards voters to recognize the quality of her work. From Mrs. Fletcher and Central Park to Flower and Afternoon Delight, she’s been a chameleon character actor for years. The she slips effortlessly between Agnes and Agatha only serves to showcase her talent.
May I at least ask what you think will happen next week?
Mysterious Voice: Agatha will defeat the Scarlet Witch, while Tommy and Billy go the way of Sparky. Agatha will start a new life with White Vision as the power couple of the MCU. There will be no X-Men or Fantastic Four cameos. Nobody will utter the word “mutant.” And a stinger will reveal that Agatha Harkness is ACTUALLY the character appearing in Doctor Strange in the Multiverse of Madness, not Wanda. Kevin Feige will give an interview with Deadline on Monday morning where he acknowledges the secret plan all along has been to design Phases IV, V, and VI of the MCU around the Harkness character, and the Frozen songwriters will return to write her a new jingle in each film.
Audience: THUNDEROUS Applause
Wow. That’s… a lot. I guess we’ll find out next week on the finale of WandaVi, err…., Agatha All Along.
WATCH WANDAVISION: PREVIOUSLY ON
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