Three Birthdays Review: Family, Sex & Deceit

Jane Weinstock’s Three Birthdays is a rather affecting indie drama set during the sexual revolution of the early 1970s.

Focusing on the way the aforementioned couple raise their teenage daughter Bobbie (Nuala Cleary), the movie manages to convey themes such as the importance of honesty, being frank about one’s sex life, and the coherence between one’s words and one’s actions.

Appropriately, Three Birthdays is divided into three distinct parts, each taking place during one of the main character’s birthdays. We start with Bobbie turning seventeen years old, and thus, deciding to go to a motel with socialist boyfriend Adam (Uly Schlesinger) in order to lose her virginity. That she does, but most disturbingly, she also finds out that her mother is having sex with another man in the room next to theirs. Disgusted, she eventually tells her father everything, but the answer she receives ends up shocking her and damaging her relationship with her mother permanently.

Three Birthdays’ second act takes place during Rob’s birthday, with him feeling guilty not only about his daughter finding out her wife’s secret but also about an affair he had months before with ex-student Nina (Jasmine Batchelor). Finally, the movie’s third act takes place during Bobbie’s birthday, and it involves the central couple realising that they must change something about their relationship if they want to make it work. But most importantly, it also features Bobbie going to a political protest and being attacked by the local authorities.

The fact that Three Birthdays takes place during the sexual revolution of the 70s allows it to tackle themes related to intimacy and love. Rob and Kate are portrayed as very relaxed and open-minded people, so much so that they pretty much allow their daughter to do what she wants, are able to talk to her about sex without feeling embarrassed, and even decide to turn their relationship into an open one (a situation that is, of course, related to Kate’s sexual encounter at the motel). Their characterisations inform the way Bobbie behaves during the film, but also the doubts she starts having, and most gravely, the way she apparently starts to hate her mother.

Because Three Daughters is also about the differences between people’s words and their actions. Rob and Kate present themselves as very liberal and left-leaning but are clearly struggling with their sex lives, their daughter’s upbringing, and even their professions. Rob, for example, is supposed to be a feminist “good guy”, but at the same time he’s jealous of his wife’s professional successes; he’s even starting to feel that she doesn’t support him. And even though Kate has been quite clear at communicating Rob her doubts and fears, she seems to hate the way he is perceived –especially by Bobbie– as the “good guy”, while she’s always the Villain of the Family.

Additionally, there’s an interesting juxtaposition in the way the parents’ sex lives are portrayed, and the way Bobbie, for example, loses her virginity. Rob and Kate struggle with intimacy, getting their feelings mixed up and feeling unsatisfied; a scene in which the former tries to masturbate and is found by the latter illustrates this quite efficiently. The daughter, on the other hand, has a sufficiently satisfying first experience with someone she loves, and although she doesn’t have an orgasm, she (thankfully) doesn’t encounter problems of consent or violence. Her boyfriend Adam seems to be a good kid, and is as inexperienced and naive as she is.

All of this might be telling us that, as we get older, we become more complicated. Or that by trying to seem too liberal, Rob and Kate have managed to make things too jumbled for themselves. Or that sexuality is indeed a complex thing, and that we have to deal with it for a while, even after years of being in a relationship. In any case, it’s refreshing to encounter a film that deals with these topics in a realistic and detailed manner, including sex scenes in which characters talk to each other (a shocker!), or don’t have idyllic sexual experiences. American audiences have been turning more and more puritan as of late, for some reason, so I’m glad a film like Three Birthdays can deal with sex without it feeling gratuitous or exploitative.

One can, of course, write a lot about the importance of sex in cinema (because it is important), but that’s a subject for another day. The fact of the matter is, and without being necessarily perfect or groundbreaking, Three Birthdays ends up feeling like a mature and well-thought-out drama that has something to say. Josh Radnor is low-key charismatic as Rob, Annie Parisse is quite energetic as Kate, and Nuala Cleary gives a standout performance as suffering teenager Bobbie. But most importantly: Three Birthdays works as a sufficiently entertaining drama that feels inhabited by real people going through real problems in a real setting.

Three Birthdays will be released in US theaters on January 24, 2025 and on digital platforms on February 18.

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