The Family Plan 2 (Apple TV) Movie Review

Simon Cellan Jones’ The Family Plan 2 is an uninspired and tedious sequel that never manages to justify its own existence.

After the prologue with the aforementioned JPEG, we learn that ex-government operative Dan Morgan (Mark Wahlberg, of Boogie Nights) is now retired, living in peace with his wife, coach Jessica (Michelle Monaghan, always a delight to see), their teenage son, gamer and hacker (is there any other type in these kinds of films?) Kyle (Van Crosby) and little kid Max (Peter Lindsney). Their young daughter, Nina (Zoe Colletti, of Only Murders in the Building), is living and studying in London.

Their lives get turned upside down, though, when Dan goes to what was supposed to be a job interview. He meets with apparent businessman Finn Clarke (Kit Harrington, of Eternals), who turns out to be a criminal and his half-brother. He has kidnapped Jessica, and wants to inherit everything Dan’s late dad (Ciarán Hinds, of Is This Thing On?) had. Thus, he makes Dan rob a bank as a sort of distraction, which motivates our protagonist and his family to escape to London. There, they meet both Nina and her new boyfriend, French chef and parkour expert Omar (Reda Elazouar, of Voyagers), and try to find a way to clear their name and defeat Finn.

Plot-wise, The Family Plan 2 couldn’t be a more by-the-numbers affair. The movie wants to say something about the importance of family and communication, but the message is conveyed in such a half-hearted and muddled manner that it ends up being completely pointless. And much of the story, such as it is, is told through dialogue rather than actions or interesting conflict. I know most people don’t decide to watch something like this for the plot, but it certainly would’ve helped to have something a bit more exciting and unpredictable than what writer David Coggeshall offers here.

So, if the plot is nothing worth writing home about, then what about everything else? Well, even though it’s billed as a family comedy, The Family Plan 2 is rarely funny. I think I laughed two or three times while watching the film, not only because most of the jokes are lazy and predictable, but also because there aren’t a lot of them. Most of the running time is dedicated to characters walking around in London (and then Paris), and action scenes that feel sanitised and dull.

Although Dan is supposed to be a man of action, most of the fisticuffs he gets involved in are lazily choreographed and cut to ribbons in post-production. Chases (both of the car and “on foot” varieties) fare a little better, but are still quite generic. Additionally, the villains never feel dangerous or even intimidating. Consider, for example, that Finn eventually employs a group of goons to find Dan and the rest. They might look tough, but only one of them, a lady with a sword (?), manages to take part in a significant action scene. And there’s the fact that The Family Plan 2 seems to think parkour is still cool and new, as if we were back in 2012.

Of the main cast, only the kids seem to be having fun. Zoe Colletti portrays Nina as a smart young woman who wants to do something important for the world. Van Crosby is quite charming as the nerdy Kyle. And Reda Elazouar is a ray of sunshine as the clueless Omar. On the other hand, Mark Wahlberg looks a bit out of place as a family-friendly version of the tough guys he usually portrays. Michelle Monaghan isn’t given much to do, apart from taking part in a rather ludicrous fight scene. And Kit Harrington is here only for the paycheck, doing the bare minimum as the underwritten Finn.

I wasn’t expecting much from The Family Plan 2, and it still disappointed me. What could have been a rather old-fashioned family adventure, like the kind we used to get back in the days of made-for-TV and direct-to-DVD movies, ends up being a dull, humourless and shoddily shot affair. There are a couple of fun moments, and the kids are having the time of their lives filming in London and Paris, but the production as a whole doesn’t work at all, especially when compared to its predecessor. If you were planning on watching this movie, I’d suggest you reconsider.

The Family Plan 2 is now available to stream globally on Apple TV.

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